Rethinking the Argument: How to Change Minds, Transform and Grow

Keeping an open mind, challenging perspectives, and changing beliefs

Have you ever had your mind changed on an issue? Or changed someone’s mind? One would expect dogmatic views to be fading from certainty at this point in human history. But political polarization, extremism, and public shaming seem to have become ubiquitous in disagreements and debates both online and in real life.  

In addition, conspiracy theories and scepticism have led to measles outbreaks, a rise in the number of people who believe the earth is flat¹, and an unwillingness to engage in compassionate conversation with the “other”. 

The internet, which has such promise in presenting different perspectives and providing access to knowledge, has often increased our own biases (thanks to filter bubbles and the people who profit from them).

As the status of the political provocateur continues to be one of minor celebrity and occasional world leader, examining how belief systems change and evolve is crucial in making a kinder world. 

That the answer was yes to both of the first two questions is unlikely. But it is likely your views shifted over time or that you were someone else’s humanizing of the “other”.

Why It’s Hard To Change Someone’s Mind: A Recap of Bias 

We have researched the foundations as to why it is so difficult to change someone’s mind,  or even have a different point of view be heard. Ingroup Bias, the tendency people have to favor their own group above that of others, and Confirmation Bias, the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories, are the main culprits here.

Expanding on this is Backfire Effect² which is an extreme aspect of Confirmation Bias. This is when you are confronted with information and facts that contradict what you believe, and instead of changing your views, you believe your previously formed opinions more vigorously. 

You have probably heard that “facts don’t change minds”. The backfire effect is the cause of this truism. 

How You Can Change Someone’s Mind

Though it is difficult, it is not impossible to change someone’s mind. A 2016 Cornell study³ used a Reddit group called “ChangeMyView”. 

In the group, an opinion would be stated and people would be invited to change that opinion. Researchers then went over what methods worked best. A caveat here: that to participate implies a certain willingness to hear other points of view.

When participants had their mind changed they would post a delta symbol (the Greek symbol to denote change).

And what changed minds? 

• Those who used different words to the original poster – a sign of introducing a new point of view – were most likely to change someone’s mind. 
• Arguments using specific examples were also more successful.
• People who posted their original opinion using the word “I,” signaling a personal belief⁴, were more likely to change their minds compared to people who used the word “we” in their posts, which signaled a broader viewpoint.
• Perhaps counterintuitive but people who responded by qualifying their arguments – using words such as “it may be the case” – were more persuasive than those who posted staunch opinions.

Writer Art Markman summed up the root of confirmation bias and the need to uproot it in a piece for Fast Company, “the sense of coherence many of us maintain over our beliefs reflects both knowledge and emotion. Being settled in what you believe feels good. Ambivalence doesn’t. So to change someone’s mind, you also need to address their emotional attachment to what they believe.”⁵

Your Beliefs and Circumstances

Worth keeping in mind when talking to someone with different beliefs is how much your own are shaped by circumstance. This goes beyond the clear importance of how and where you were raised but also to how opinions on less core beliefs can shift when options are limited.

Kristin Laurin of the University of British Columbia examined people’s attitudes before plastic water bottles were prohibited in San Francisco. The ban wasn’t endorsed by everyone, but was introduced. Just one day later, when her team tested public attitudes, views had changed: people were less opposed.⁶ 

There hadn’t been time for people to change their behaviour to adjust to the practicalities of the ban. So their mindset changed. 

Radical Changes

In 2017 former Westboro baptist church member Megan Phelps-Roper gave a powerful Ted talk⁷ about how she found the strength to walk away from her beliefs knowing that it would mean never seeing her family again. 

The church is extreme, picketing the funerals of soldiers, those who have died of AIDS, and many celebrities. They carry signs warning that those being buried are burning in hell. 

Megan provided insight into how these extreme hateful beliefs reinforced a sense of “otherness” which had her clinging tightly to her family (and their beliefs).

She detailed how it was that engaging people on twitter that turned her beliefs on their head. She offers four points on how to approach people with beliefs so extreme:

1. Don’t Assume Bad Intent
2. Ask Questions (this will help you map the disconnect but more important it makes the other person feel heard, which is all most people want.
3. Stay Calm. Give people time and space
4. And then, make an argument.  

Keep Your Own Mind Open

Understanding that your beliefs are a product of your lived experience, and that not everyone shares that experience, will help you to be more patient and open to hearing from others. Valuing others’ humanity and approaching people with humility will not only improve your chances of getting your point across but make for a kinder, calmer, and more hopeful exchange.

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Sources

1. Believing in A Flat Earth
2. The Backfire Effect
3. The Cornell Study
4. Spirituality by psychology today
5. Belief change based on science by Fast Company
6. Changing opinions by BBC
7. Megan Phelps-Roper

Further Reading

• Behave, The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst, by Robert M. Sapolsky
• You’re not going to believe what I’m about to tell you, The Oatmeal